Literally covered in art.

Literally covered in art.

Apparently, I’m the messiest teacher in the history of this camp! #compliment #word

Apparently, I’m the messiest teacher in the history of this camp! #compliment #word

windycitylibrarian said: Hey, I notice that we're going to be presenting on the same topic. Do you want to collaborate with the others and create one presentation and/or hangout?

Yes! Sorry for the email! I’ve been on vacation. Let’s do it! My email is Artful.artsy.amy@gmail.com

whalesareorange:

artfulartsyamy:

Artful Artsy Amy: Scorpion Slayer

Right now, I’m house-sitting for my parents and they live on some acreage. It has been hot, sticky, and humid the past few days and this weather encourages bugs to come indoors to (I’m guessing) escape the heat. 

Well, there I was just minding my business, shutting off all the lights in the kitchen, getting ready to go to bed and there it was: A HUGE scorpion. Commence the screaming. I considered leaving Mr. Scorpion there, but this presented some problems. The jerk had parked himself next to the keurig, (and I definitely planned on helping myself to that later), there were four dogs and two cats to consider, and I would spend the rest of my time house-sitting thinking that every little itch was THE SCORPION. 

So, Mr. Scorpion had to die. 

In the past, all of the scorpions I’ve “handled” have been about the size of a doodle bug (pillbug) and of very small consequence. Anything bigger, and I deterred to one my brothers. This dude looked like he could pack some damage… And, there I was nary a brother in sight.

After squealing a bit more and screeching for the dogs (who thought my squealing was a game) to clear out, I trapped Mr. Scorpion under a glass. 

So, I asked Google. And, you know, that was just awful. Google told me that scorpions move fast, are sensitive to light, sense movement of larger predators (hello,me) easily, and can smoosh their bodies flatter than a credit card. The recommended “kill method” was to get a book and/or shoe and squish the scorpion. 

Look, I’m not an idiot. I didn’t think Mr. Scorpion was gonna go down that easily. And, the reccommended kill method presented some problems. 1) Mr. Scorpion was on the counter, 2) The counter-top is 15-year old corian (sp?) which cracks easily under heavy pressure, 3)Mr. Scorpion had TONS of hiding places and TONS of opportunity to “get away.”  I needed a method that ensure almost 100% death instantly.

Sensing my wheels turning, Mr. Scorpion, who until this point had been quiet, began to bump around in his glass cage. He was pissed. And, oh man, was he scary. I got a first-hand view of how he could move and what he could do with those pincers. 

Game on dude.

I considered spraying him with wasp killer. But, he was near the keurig. And, well he might run while I sprayed. And, I know me. I know I would’ve ended up righteously covering my parents’ house in wasp spray as I chased Mr. Scorpion around. So, no to that idea.

I thought about trying smoosh him under a flexible, yet really hard surface, like a cutting board. That way I could sorta “roll” the surface across his body and ensure death. Buuuut, the idea of feeling his body crunch totally freaked me out. And, all of my mother’s plastic cutting boards have weird cut-outs that I was concerned Mr. Scorpion might use as an escape route. 

Then, I had it! I would push Mr. Scorpion over to the sink in his glass cage. There, the sink and garbage disposal would already be running. I would quickly lift up the glass, and push Mr. Scorpion with a kebab skewer into the sink to be turned into scorpion ceviche.

It was Indiana Jones-level brilliant. 

And, it totally worked. 

Amy-1, Mr. Scorpion-0

These kinds of stories always make me wonder about what people are like when they encounter Australian spiders for the first time.

I would die upon encountering an Australian spider. The only thing that got me through Africa and her epic bugs was the bat that ate them off my mosquito netting.

Dennis is obsessed with my dad. It’s really cute.

Dennis is obsessed with my dad. It’s really cute.

Artful Artsy Amy: Scorpion Slayer

Right now, I’m house-sitting for my parents and they live on some acreage. It has been hot, sticky, and humid the past few days and this weather encourages bugs to come indoors to (I’m guessing) escape the heat. 

Well, there I was just minding my business, shutting off all the lights in the kitchen, getting ready to go to bed and there it was: A HUGE scorpion. Commence the screaming. I considered leaving Mr. Scorpion there, but this presented some problems. The jerk had parked himself next to the keurig, (and I definitely planned on helping myself to that later), there were four dogs and two cats to consider, and I would spend the rest of my time house-sitting thinking that every little itch was THE SCORPION. 

So, Mr. Scorpion had to die. 

In the past, all of the scorpions I’ve “handled” have been about the size of a doodle bug (pillbug) and of very small consequence. Anything bigger, and I deterred to one my brothers. This dude looked like he could pack some damage… And, there I was nary a brother in sight.

After squealing a bit more and screeching for the dogs (who thought my squealing was a game) to clear out, I trapped Mr. Scorpion under a glass. 

So, I asked Google. And, you know, that was just awful. Google told me that scorpions move fast, are sensitive to light, sense movement of larger predators (hello,me) easily, and can smoosh their bodies flatter than a credit card. The recommended “kill method” was to get a book and/or shoe and squish the scorpion. 

Look, I’m not an idiot. I didn’t think Mr. Scorpion was gonna go down that easily. And, the reccommended kill method presented some problems. 1) Mr. Scorpion was on the counter, 2) The counter-top is 15-year old corian (sp?) which cracks easily under heavy pressure, 3)Mr. Scorpion had TONS of hiding places and TONS of opportunity to “get away.”  I needed a method that ensure almost 100% death instantly.

Sensing my wheels turning, Mr. Scorpion, who until this point had been quiet, began to bump around in his glass cage. He was pissed. And, oh man, was he scary. I got a first-hand view of how he could move and what he could do with those pincers. 

Game on dude.

I considered spraying him with wasp killer. But, he was near the keurig. And, well he might run while I sprayed. And, I know me. I know I would’ve ended up righteously covering my parents’ house in wasp spray as I chased Mr. Scorpion around. So, no to that idea.

I thought about trying smoosh him under a flexible, yet really hard surface, like a cutting board. That way I could sorta “roll” the surface across his body and ensure death. Buuuut, the idea of feeling his body crunch totally freaked me out. And, all of my mother’s plastic cutting boards have weird cut-outs that I was concerned Mr. Scorpion might use as an escape route. 

Then, I had it! I would push Mr. Scorpion over to the sink in his glass cage. There, the sink and garbage disposal would already be running. I would quickly lift up the glass, and push Mr. Scorpion with a kebab skewer into the sink to be turned into scorpion ceviche.

It was Indiana Jones-level brilliant. 

And, it totally worked. 

Amy-1, Mr. Scorpion-0

shinykonyta:

terreverte:

cake gifs

are you fuckin kiddin me like what kinda people just captions this ‘cake gifs’ and walks away this shit fucking put a spell on me i was unable to look away it was wild start to fucking finish that looks like REAL CAKE it looks like i can reach out and have me some god damn cake. damn son

(via instant-reveries)